Piranha 3D

Now first off, 3D for me is just a gimmick. I am totally not on board this bandwagon of an idea. I find that you are too busy concentrating on areas on the screen and missing other parts, how it strains my eyes and makes the effect null and void doesn't help the matter.
The only good thing I think it has going for it is that it isn't easily and readily available in the household yet. So its something which you can on access in the cinema, on a giant screen. At home I find it will be just as useless as the old style of red and green plastic in paper frames.

Now to the movie, Seeing as it was the 2nd week that the film was in the cinema, and already relegated to screen 3 out of 8 was not a welcome sign. I had already heard previous to my viewing that figures showed it was a success and that a sequel was already on the cards. Instantly killing the ending of "we killed them". No love, your clearly mistaken, there is a sequel already in development so these little hungry munchers are not being killed off anytime soon.

So the plot is a real head scratcher. Right up there with the Matrix and Inception.... I was always a terrible liar.... no this plot is as common as muck. So basically there is a nice little town with hundreds.... sorry thousands of beautiful people. The woman are all scantly clad and the men are all hunky and have pecks. The town have some sort of weekend break or something happening (to be honest I never cared enough too found out) and it just so happens a earthquake happens beneath the lake which therefore causes a sinkhole or something to open up and connect a 2 million old cavern full of..... you guessed it, weird Piranha.... and these Piranha are crazy fuckers. They hungry bastards who have been surviving on cannibalism. We find this out after the local crazy fish professor Doc from Back to the Future himself Christopher Lloyd! (And yes when he came on the screen I did say out loud "GREAT SCOTT")
Leading up to that point we discover slowly about these creatures and how they had to have closed down the lake YESTERDAY (DUN DUN DUN!!!!!) to prevent the hot gorgeous horny kids to be ripped apart!
So whilst this shit is going on Justin Bieber..... or that Effron kid from High School Musical has cloned himself into this movie. This kid turns out he is the Sheriffs son. He manages to get a job showing this porn director and our very own Kelly Brook around the lake so they can record graphic shit etc. It was kinda stupid really, but hey that's what these script writers come up with! So whilst Kelly Brook, some Blondie and the future replacement of Megan Fox get all raunchy and use 3D for its "true potential" (quote from my friend) Over at the lake somewhere DJ Chocolate Thunder is spinning his decks on some floating platform with rig on. The Sheriff and her Backup Ving Rhames is trying to get everyone out of the water. Cue lots of ignoring and then lots of eventual dead people in all manner of funny ways. The gore levels are up there and are entertainingly crazy, making you gasp and awe in its definate gruesomeness which builds up the eventual climax.

I didn't even talk about the kids cause they are fucking annoying. So won't get started there! What I do need to talk to you about it the boob count! in this film we counted 12 (yes 12!!!) different women's boobs on display! It was only a matter of time until the female upper half were released to the viewers in the "next best thing to hit the cinema". I just assumed that Jackass 3D (out in October) would of been the first.

Its a fun film and didn't drag too much, there are a lot of stupid things like the Piranhas went away from love interest when he threw a body in the water, yet when someone was getting perished a few minutes earlier they didn't budge. Some of the dialogue is very tongue in cheek. Don't let this put you off, its a good fun time out in the cinema. Before you take your queasy partner along though to make them jump into your arms, I would definatley warn them its pretty gruesome.

And as @Bazaa would say PENIS!

The Expendables

So... I must admit when I went into this film I was expecting much, and you shouldn't too. For those of you who went out and saw Stallone bring Rambo back will definatley know what to expect. Though this time they turn the dial to 11. and they do it in classic action film style!

Now everyone has seen the adverts showing the cast. Yes it is pretty awesome and alot of different faces on show, which is a great thing to do. We always would love to see all these action heros together. I remember when Face/Off came out. Seeing just Travolta and Cage in a film was pretty epic. Here we have a massive all star cast of old and new action stars, and I love how Stallone is showing that amongst the new guys of Li, Statham and Austin, you have a Stallone, a Rouke and a Lundgren. And I will stop there to say I was smiling in my seat seeing the reunion of Rocky IV on my screen! :D

The story and plot is not that original, but really its not expected with the cast on offer, the one part of the trailer everyone saw was the return of Arnold "Arnie" Schwarzenegger to the big screen. Now to cut you short it is only a 5 minute scene. He only does a bit of talking. Though to see him share with Stallone and Willis it is a fun scene, and there is some great banter. You can tell that Arnie hasn't been in the game for a while, and I hope his govenor job comes to a end soon cause it would be great to see him return to where he should be.

So to finish up, all in all its great fun, lots of bad ass killing and over the top ridiculous action and big explosions that engulf and envolpe everything. Just don't go expecting an Oscar nominated film, just go enjoy yourself, have a good time laughing out loud.

All I got to ask. Whens the sequel?